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The Real Purpose of Eye Contact
Among the many common misunderstandings about body language is a very basic one: the real purpose of eye contact.
We humans, especially in the West, are obsessed with eye contact. Getting it right is considered essential to good working and personal relationships. People who fail in this draconian test are considered problematic. They get called shifty-eyed, or untrustworthy, or evasive. We are advised not to bank with them, or give them our passwords.
On the contrary, we are told that a firm handshake and limpet-like eye contact are the basic necessities of a career as a salesperson, or an executive, or a politician. Fix your eyes on your interlocutor, we are told, and don’t look away. That’s how you demonstrate your commitment to the conversation and your trustworthiness in the relationship.
There’s a follow up bit of coaching which goes something like this: of course, you don’t want to stare too long, so do look away at some point before things get uncomfortable.
This advice makes me want to cringe and look down at the floor. How can you know when it’s time to look away? Especially if you are just starting out in your career or relationships. What is uncomfortable — and is your level of discomfort the same as mine, or different?
